everyone is born to be an actor,
we have been acting at all times..
which is your true self?

im so confused.

lotsa things have been going through my mind..
well not lately, but all these while
beeen thinking alot .. my mind hasnt been resting for a lonnng time
wow all the possibilities that i have come up with just scares me .
how can one be so paranoid?
haha how can one be so negative, yet having a small portion of the brain consoling the rest of the negative brain ?
how can one be so positively negative about the world and everything?
my ..

perhaps i need some anti depressants
need some sleeping pills
feeling quite upset last friday
nothing turns out to be what i want
mmm but was kinda appeased after going out with jy .. haha
thanks uh jy for the accompany ..
or should i say, im the one accompanying u ?
my .. i didnt really bought anything that i need on that day (except for food)

random~~..
sometimes i really feel like living in portraits..
as theres no right or wrong in art ..
there always a reason for everything in art ..
and the reason is always up to how you think.
no one will ever object ur thinking, as long as ur opinions are firm and are backed up with your own good sources ..

im so tired
been eating dinner late .. bathing late
sleeping late
waking up earlier
been pulling long faces..

smile more, may
cos you deserve it.
haha love yourself yo~

uncover the dark side of me .

the evil twin is overpowering ..

you know what?
there are a few things i so wanna do
-go beach and scream
-go arcade and bang the machines till my hand turns red and numb
-blast the speakers in an enclosed room
-run/jog for 1 hour str8
-don't talk for the whole day
-put thick makeups
-dress all black and sit at the corner
-finish all my assignments in a day (including 10 pages of drawing, 2 rendering assignments, preparations for A&H and so on)
-shout at someone i don't know
-stay awake for 24 hours
-eat 50% lesser than my usual amount
-watch dramas and cry from the very start to the very end of the show
-take my crying photos, and make a animation out of it
-make my very own dark chocolate, and numb my tongue with the bitterness
-say bye ,instead of hi ,to everyone i see
-wanted to forget the past and move on
-hate you all

woo~ played this typing test again and broke my own personal record on my first try ^^
this kinda lighten up my gloomy day by a bit..
haha woo a caucasian is looking at my photos ..
hes missing me~

if only theres really someone who loves me ..

the power of "friends"
they are just some amazing people ,who can make you feel so much better after talking to them..
cos you know, no matter what happens,
they can be there for you..
or rather, they try to be there for you.
though some things cant be said, they could stilll be supportive ..
be there and say some encouraging stuffs ..
i know, they cant be there for me all the time..
thus i really appreciate when they really make the effort to make time to meet up ..
though i have never really tell them all in their faces, but im truely touched.
i know, i didnt have alot of friends. but im glad that there are at least a few close ones .
tho they will neglect my feelings ,laugh at me sometimes and such ..
BUT still i love YOU ALL ^^
^^
thanks to those who cares for me..
you know who you are ~ ;)

i feel bad
about all these.
but i gonna be alright.
i gotta be.

i have been a sinner all along.
i get your hint..

REALLY HAVE to shift my priorities right..
and try to start my life right ..
once again ..

~tell me i can do it .. ~

PLUMP PLUMP
fats fats go away~!
..
swam for 1 hour + today with may 2 (LOL)..
actually i should say, i have played for 1 hour+ instead..
its drizzling actually .. however had stopped after an hour ? lols
i thought we gonna go to gym instead(so i brought my pair of sports shoes + PE shorts along)
Whoa and its soo heavy ..
its the first time that my THAT black bag has seemed so fat/full ><
never manage to try the water slides though, so its kinda disappointing

attended art and history lecture today ..
and was quite stunned by the fact that the grades will be deducted by 50% for the first day, and 10% for the subsequent days ..
and i gotta present about my 2 favourite art pieces in my first tutorial already..
my .. gotta prepare for it man ..

WOO A ROYAL FLUSH (i so long nv viwawa.. so anyone! if you wanna play, just jio me ;) )

ok thats just something random ^^

today is a pretty much normal day..
except that i have to tell my photography tutor that im his new student ..
blah .. always have to explain and clarify myself
(makes me feel like im "nobody's child" .. being kik to here ,and there)

attended my first photography class.
as compared to audio ,its really much more interesting than audio creation (in my opinions)
the tutor is kinda interesting and humorous..
so i guess the following photography classes should be quite fun and enjoyable ..

..
but its just that another side of my brain has been thinking of a whole lot of nonsensical stuffs, which make me feel like going emo emo again ..
well ,actually they are not nonsensical ..
they are the truth ..
and yesh i know haha i should listen to SOMEBODY's (:)) advice ,and not think too much ..
and keep myself occupied .. yes
i will try..
thats why ,i wish to work ..
i hope i can earn ENOUGH money to buy a good-quality-and-have-mirco-focus(yes thats the word i wanna say .. ) camera!
if not, i will have to stick to my homey digital camera

*oh yeah my rendering module tutor did call me today!
so nice, i thought he has forgotten about me ..

aye .. i have been waking up early ever since the very first day till tomorrow ..
i hate squeezy mrt .. boo

ok back to the mistake that my course coordinator has made..
hais i just feel that he's tad irresponsible..
my module tutor said he will either call me yesterday or today ,to inform me about THEIR solution ... alright .. and i have waited until today's late afternoon ..
blah , and he didnt call me at all ..
thus i thought i should go up and look for him during my 1 hour break .. however he was so coincidentally away from his desk ..well, his colleague said that he was having lessons at that point of time
blah blah ...so i was thinking, thinking of looking up for him after my second class today ..
and i guess he was still not in yet ...
aww i was feeling so disappointed .. looking for him in despair ..
luckily my friends were there to accompany me today ><>
so when we were about to give up (we were walking towards the lift,planning to wait for his call at home), someone saw my course coordinator!!
YEAHHH hah i dont know remember whos the someone, cos i was stunned at that very moment!
haha so yeah i managed to propose my solution to him ... cos when i ask him about my timetable, he threw the question back to me, "oh my, then how?"..
sheesh i thought he was supposed to solve it for me ?

-.- HE EVEN ASKED IF I WANNA RETAKE THAT PARTICULAR MODULE ,USING ANOTHER COMPLETELY ALIEN PROGRAM.. (i have totally forgotten all the BASICS that were taught in year 1~~) he even joked that i could seize this chance to learn a new programme!~
right ...you are right .. but im so gonna fail this same module again!~
oh my ... thats like so risky! imagine i dont even know how to rotate the canvas, then how am i going to master the skills to render and light up the scene ?!
i was totally sian .. haha but i didnt show it out ,of course..

and yes, in the end, i manage to change my audio class to PHOTOgraphy on wed ..which is tomorrow! (is it destined ,or what? cos theres no other solution, but to change my elective module to photography, to solve the TIMETABLE problem..)

that also means that i would have 3 EARLY morning classes for 3 days str8 ...!

art and history class(tomorrow) is cancelled. phew meaning i could go home and rest str8 after the morning classs ^^ kinda happy and sad..
seeing that everyone is so busy with their lives..
no one is free ....
im kinda, free now .. haha maybe, i should start on my drawing soon ..
cos my gesture drawing deproves quite alot ? haha .. i need models ..
oh and the model for our drawing class today is hot ..!
haha his poses are quite cool. has lotsa overlapping and forshortening though. so i had quite a hard time today hahaha my flabby arms are tired/aching from all the warming up for drawing ..
woo~

10:22 PM

wow ..
i must say , my first day of school is always so happening ..
.
.
(thinking back... )
i remember THAT VERY FIRST DAY of my .. year 2?
i was supposed to report for drawing class in the morning (and thats the only class i had for THAT day..).. i had to go school on my own, as i was separated from my close friends and i didnt know anyone from that class yet.
ah so i kept telling myself "nevermind...", and i trained down to nyp myself. not long after i board the train , I suddenly had the urge to go toilet .I guess i was so nervous at that moment that i had butterflies in my stomach. myyy.. i could still remember that its a torturing morning. The train was so damn packed and i was breaking into cold sweats..
i thought i was going to lose control ..
Initially really had the thought of being late, cos my abodmen (aiyo stomach there~) was having some serious cramps ..i wanted to quicken my pace, however the pain just doesnt allow me to. HAHA just how nervous i can be man~!
okok and fortunately,when i had finally reached my drawing lab ..
a piece of normal a4 size paper(sticking on the lab's door) just simply turns me off, totally~!
it says .. "CLASS IS POSTPONED TO WEDNESDAY. and bla bla bla~"
and i really feel like " BLAHHHH" ..so what now?
im good to go home already~
wooo ?~
OOH and so, it just ended my first day of school, so 'nicely'..
[OH YAH (before i forgot about it), i was late on THAT fateful day too .. LOLS]
there were people waiting outside the room already..
haha its so embarrassing lo .. malu myself on the very first day of my year 2 already ..
sometimes i really feel like a clown lo ...
always being laughed at .. lolss
.
.
.
fine so what about today?!
my first day of my year 3..
i would use a word : HAPPENING, to describe..

ok ok same thing happens today again ..
i was LATE.. yes late for my first class
quite similar to my previous experience right ?
haha ok anyway ,i wasnt too late ... and my tutor didnt mind.. so i feel that its still alright ..
but, something shocked me when i first arrived at my pc lab at block M ..
do you know whats so shocking?
Can you believe that a class has only 4 students?
im the 3rd one to reach -.- ... wooo so am i considered early or not .. LOLS ..
u know actually, i thought there will be at least a handful of students...

i thought ,i was still early(not too late) when i was rushing to that lab .. cos all i could see was TWO .. two students in that particular ,destined lab ... i was thinking "whoa .. so i wasnt too late afterall~ since only 2 students have reached".
IN THE END ... OMGGGGGGGGG
when i saw the name list, i could only see FOUR NAMES .....
AIYO *i really feel like slapping my forehead at that very moment* i couldnt believe it .. i had even double checked with my tutor.. i felt that,that scenario was really kinda awkward..ok and he even asked if i am really interested in this module. He thought i didnt know about that elective module:PHOTOGRAPHY, and asked if i wanna change to that instead. Its kinda funny for a tutor to ask his/her students to consider another modules and oh shit. im kinda more interested in photography then audio creation ..
HOWEVER, i think i will have to invest a few thousands on a camera if i really want to take up photography instead
=( how how ? i am kinda lost now
tho i might not be able to change to photography now ..
anyway back to my first day ..
Ended up ,all 4 students were present .. and my tutor starts to brief us on all the theories on sound, frequency ,instruments and other audio related stuffs.. woo its enriching but kinda dry at the same time.. but i think the mixing practicals might be quite fun~ ?
the class has ended one hour earlier >< (and he says that it will always do, for every lesson)
hee

question here is , should i .. continue with my audio creation ? or switch to photography ..
interest wise.. and money wise...

oh my , i still have to consider my time table TOO

my gosh ..
another happening thing today is my second class today .. - rendering
i gotta retake this module in this semester ..
and yeah i did turn up in the right lab, same module number and correct time.
however, i just felt that something is wrong .. AND IM RIGHT ..
yesh , i was in the right lab indeed. They all look alien to me. i mean i dont know any one of them .. so i thought, i might be in the right lab ..
however, i realised something weird.. i saw some of my classmates fire up 3D MAX ..
and thats so not .. so not my program!
im feeling quite nervous and worried at that point of time.
i tried to focus .. focus on what my tutor was explaining ..
however .. the other side of my mind was questioning..doubting myself ..
i was thinking.. am i so blur that i have really entered the wrong class..
and ... its so diao .. the problem doesnt lies in me..
its my course coordinator that has made a mistake in my timetable ..
headache .. actually i have much more to say .. but its getting late.. so i guess i shall continue 2mr instead ><

good night

oh my, blogspot is abit cranky just now ..
anyway ..

a random song ..
cant find this song online ..
really wonder how this song will be like ..

Love Don't Make No Sense - Joe ?

(Verse 1)
I try to make the best of a bad situation
Always gave too much; You never gave in return
Never could convince you to meet your obligations
Guess it took me walking out before you could learn

(Bridge 1)
Now you wonder why I've changed
And if any love remains
You try to make it right with all your hugs and kisses
But you just can't understand
A man needs more from his woman
It's not just money but the honey that is minning

(Chorus)
If you ask if I still love you
Then I'd have to say I do
If you ask why am I leaving
I'd say what am I supposed to do
What's the point in holding on if you keep on doing wrong
Bottom line: LOVE DON'T MAKE NO SENSE

(Verse 2)
Monday to Friday, 9 to 5 while I'm working
Sunday to Sunday all day you're on your back
Day-in day-out I'm putting food on the table
You could at least have tried to clean up your act

(Bridge 2)
Well I've given you that chance
Now I'm making other plans
I'd be better off if I was on my own
So don't you try to change my mind
You're out of luck and out of time
So find some fool who's cool with that because I'm gone

(Repeat Chorus)

(Verse 3)
It's a shame, but I can't remember
The last time you held a job
It's up to me to pay the bills
Baby I work damn hard
You don't think of nothing else but what you need
YOU DON'T EXCEPT RESPONSIBILITY

(Repeat Chorus Twice)

(Breakdown)
If you ask if I still love you
Then I'd have to say I do
If you ask why am I leaving
I'd say what am I supposed to do
What's the point in holding on if you keep on doing wrong
What's the bottom line?
LOVE DON'T MAKE NO SENSE
...love don't make nooooooooooooooo sense baby

SEE THE GOODNESS ... GOODNESS IN THIS erm no idea if its authentic SHARKFIN .. but it costs $30 for this much .. roughly half a tumbler.. ><>

ah well, i still cant change the font .. ><
COOL.problem solved! after i have posted this entry up ^^