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Saturday, August 12, 2006
WARNING: this is a depressing entry .. if u dun wan to spoil ur mood, pls leave HERE..this is a DAMN BORING entry .. so DUN READ OKAY .. BYE will time really heal? i dun think so ,really ..Things will only accumulate AND ACCUMULATE .. human beings are not SO great okay ..They cant choose what they want to remember + forget ..Therefore, deep inside my heart, there is a place that stored alot of pains+sorrows+unhappiness+regrets+dissappoints ..Whenever something ,which is similar happens, i will be moody naturally ..i just couldnt hide my feelings ..hey MAYBE i could..by being expressionless or insensitive to EVERYTHING that is going on around me ..ha.. cos it gives me an excuse to be ignorant .. IGNORANT is the best solution to everything (i think) !However, dun expect me to write all my problems here .. i wun want to cos i think no one will understand how i really feel despite me, writing everything down here ..you are not me .. wateva .. actually i dun noe wad i m toking abt now.. now .. i seriously need to crap anyhow here .. i just dun feel good .. something is just bottoming up in my heart, causing me to have a hard time breathing + killing my good mood to play + relax .. i m feeling ever sad although i have finished ALL my assignments ..sad over friendship+sch+family i m a complete failure in doing anything .. friendship- DUh ?i have friends or not .. obviously no .. the people arnd me are like HI.BYE.friends ..i think their impressions of me are really bad(no ,they have no impression of me).. i m just a boring dude .. who will owalse has this BLACK face with a 'sian diao' look.. oh yah .. and i m a follower of JOYCE .. sometimes when i am with joyce, i really feel very inferior .. it's like she's so much better than me .. haix .. Who am i ?! I will question myself with this qns over and over agn ? Am i worthed to be her best friend ..in fact .. i think we have some communication problem . this is a problem that i cant ignore.(and it's sth that i have mentioned in one of my olden entries) well .. we are both chinese ..thus, it shouldnt be a problem communicating to each other .. but she's a english speaker , while i m a chinese speaker .. She came from an english speaking family while mine is chinese ..Thus ,the language that we are more comfortable with is different .At times, she demands to communicate with her in english as she finds that her eng is deproving . i tried but i just couldnt the hurdle of mine .. i cannot bear the sort of chinese accent i have when i was speaking english .. Everything just sounds SO WEIRD when those english words come out of my mouth ..My tongue tends to tie too =X and that's so embarrassing .. Although eng is not my proficient language ,i wan to use it as and when i can .It's simply because eng is an essential language that ALL must noe .. in sch, we present in eng .. buy stuffs in eng (most of the time) pose a qns for teacher in eng outside, place our orders in eng ask qns in eng, ask for directions read the posters/advertisements/magazines in eng watch movies in eng read the end subtitles able to laugh at some english jokes AND SO ON .. there's too much things that we depend on eng .. If this national language doesnt exist, i think there will be chaos every here and there .. Thus, i conclude that eng is DAMN impt ..and i am damn angry with myself for not being able to use eng to the fullest .. upset S ..If my eng is better, i would be able to describe all these mixed feelings in a more clear and obvious way .. too bad here i am, restricted with this limited vocabulary .. aiyah .. sian i forgot wad i want to say alrdy ..With a tv ,places beside my computer ,i m so distracted by it .. but it can cheer me up so easily .=) oh yah .. happy BELATED BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE .. how can i 4get abt U !? =) i love the FIREWORKS v much ..(i went there yesterday and it's damn crowded there =X BUT it's worth cramping +waiting afterall =) ) i like the 'golden waterfall' kinda fireworks .. it just looks so grand and wonderful and the saddest thing is that i din manage to video that down .. aWWw . =( but i saw it in real life ! haha ..=)oh i must say this agn .. THE FIREWORKS ARE AMAZING and AWESOME OKAY ?! oh yah if u have realised , i have figured out the way to add colours to my text .. all thanks to joyce .. =)
9:21 PM
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